Should I cut an adult child out of my Will?

This question comes up more than you’d think – some estimates suggest 8-15% of parents seriously consider it. The reasons vary: broken relationships, concerns about how money might be used, or simply wanting to leave assets elsewhere.

It’s a deeply personal decision, and if you’re wrestling with it, you’re not alone.

A Christian perspective
Through our ministries, we’ve walked through this question with families many times, and this is what we keep coming back to:

“God is love.” 1 John 4:8

And disinheritance is rarely, if ever, an act of love. And that matters if we’re trying to live as Jesus taught. There’s another angle too. Think about our own past behaviours – our mistakes, our rebellions, our worst moments. Where would any of us be if God took our failures as final and cut us off?

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.” Matthew 7:1-3 

or remember the parable Jesus told his disciples about the servant who was forgiven much, yet refused to forgive little?

The truth about our children (and us)
Yes, adult children can be selfish, hurtful, frustrating. They can wound you repeatedly. God knows this better than anyone – he’s been dealing with his “children” behaving badly since the beginning.

But do people change? Do they learn? Do they regret? Did you? Did I?

Making a final statement through your Will is powerful, precisely because it can never be undone. The hurt can never be taken back.

If we want to follow Christ – if we want the inheritance he offers us despite everything we’ve done, then maybe we need to be the bigger person, the father or mother we’d like to have been – big enough to bury the hatchet and choose love even when it means embracing a sharpened knife.

No-one understands what you’ve been through, and no-one can tell you the answer here, but for better or for worse, ‘teaching them a lesson’ probably hasn’t been an effective tool since they left home and made a life of their own, infact, underneath all that hurt is that last statement where the rejection began?

Need to talk this through?
These decisions aren’t simple, and family pain runs deep. If you’re facing this choice and need someone to talk to, our pastors at Gate Family Church are here. Sometimes it helps just to say it out loud to someone who’ll listen without judgment.

“God is (indeed) love”

And when we forgive and crucially – forget, we leave a parting gift of love and much needed light in a very dark world . .